Ever feel like you're the only person awake at the wee hours of the night? You are restless and your mind is racing while the whole wide world sleeps. You wonder why you are not asleep, but there is no answer. You just arent and thats that.
Then you begin to think.. you think of your life and where you are, perhaps where you are headed or maybe even where you wish you could be. You start tracing the path of your life in your mind and see all the places that you could have took a different route. All those forks in the road, everywhere else you could have been.... but here you are. You look around and you take it all in at once. This is your life. Every tiny little descition that you have ever made along the way has led you to this exact moment. You are where you are supposed to be, but it doesnt feel that way. You feel uncomfortable in your own skin, if life was like a car you'd go and trade it in for someone else's life. But whose? Who would you rather be other than yourself? I bet a million people could easily come to mind.. someone filthy rich, someone incredibly charming, someone loved and adored by millions... but instead you are you. Who are you really? If you dont know... how can anybody know?
People think they know you, or maybe they've just stopped trying to get to know you. Your complexity and irrationality is more than what most people care to deal with. Some stick around because they think you're good, they see the person in you that you don't even know could exist. It will only be a matter of time before you let them down, because you could never be what they want you to be. You cant even find yourself... you've lost your way home. You look for an emergency exit only to find locked doors. You feel at a loss, a loss for thoughts and words and emotions... You're synthetic. You feel human only when you're sad, when you're hurt and angry. Those are your human companions, your best friends... loyal to you just like a dog would be. You reach for the bottle to drown out your humanity, a drunken night is worth a thousand sober ones. The alcohol intensifies the hurt and the rage all at once, you stop giving a fuck, and for a split second you are truly happy.
